


the Diary of Garrett Hawke

by hooliganism



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Dear Diary I don't know what else to tag this, Diary/Journal, Gen, The Chantry, also this particular Garrett holds the Chantry near and dear to his heart, anti-fluff, or not I don't tell you what to do, so if you hate the Chantry you might wanna skip this one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-21 14:18:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7390576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hooliganism/pseuds/hooliganism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Private! No one read (That means YOU, Carver)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the month of Drakonis, 9:30

 

_ Drakonis, Day 1, 9:30 _

We’ve finally made it into Kirkwall. It turns out that Uncle Gamlen has lost the family fortune and estate, but he’s taken us into his home in Lowtown nonetheless, and found us work, of a sort. Carver, Aveline, and I have agreed to work for Meeran of the Red Iron for a year to work off our debts—and the debt is not inconsiderable. The bribes amounted to 500 sovereigns per person! Two thousand sovereigns to get four of us into the city, and Meeran told me that it was a  _ discount _ because they were desperate for a trained mage!

I wish Bethany were here. Mother cried herself to sleep last night. Uncle Gamlen’s walls are thin.

 

_ Drakonis, Day 2, 9:30 _

Carver wasn’t kidding. He really is starting to talk like Meeran.

 

_ Drakonis, Day 8, 9:30 _

I think Mother blames me for Bethany. She’s not wrong. I should have been faster, stronger, something. I was reading the Chant and Transfigurations 1 reminded me of Bethany:

_ For she who trusts in the Maker, fire is her water. _ __   
_ As the moth sees light and goes toward flame, _ __   
_ She should see fire and go towards Light. _ __   
_ The Veil holds no uncertainty for her, _ __   
_ And she will know no fear of death, for the Maker _ _   
_ __ Shall be her beacon and her shield, her foundation and her sword.

It’s not fair that Bethany was the one to die. I hope she had no fear of death.

 

_ Drakonis, Day 19, 9:30 _

Carver tries to act like nothing bothers him, but I know he’s faking. The walls are thin here, and I hear him cry when he thinks I’m asleep. I don’t know what to say to him. He’s shutting me out, and if I confronted him I think he’d punch me. He’s really good at punching, which is not fair. Little brothers should stay little.

It’s so quiet here. Mother is going through documents and papers, trying to find out what happened to the Amell money, or else she’s sitting on the front step, looking at nothing. Uncle Gamlen doesn’t talk much, unless he’s telling Fireball to stop barking. Even Fireball is more quiet than usual. And Carver refuses to talk to me any more than he absolutely has to.

It figures that I now live in the biggest city I’ve ever seen, and this is the loneliest I’ve ever been.


	2. the month of Cloudreach, 9:30

_ Cloudreach, Day 3, 9:30 _

Fireball’s cheered up somewhat. I take him for a walk whenever I’m able. More often than not we walk to the Chantry in Hightown. I light a candle for Father and for Bethany. I never thought I could miss someone so much. When Father died, we all banded together, like a family is supposed to. With Bethany gone, it’s like I’m living alone. Mother doesn’t speak much, and Carver actively ignores me. Uncle Gamlen is probably the most social of all of us, even though all he ever does is complain. It’s not like I’m helping. I mostly read the Chant and take Fireball out. The less time I spend at home, the happier I am. How sad is that?

 

_ Cloudreach, Day 7, 9:30 _

I’ve been looking back at some of these earlier entries, and by the Maker, they’re somber. So here is something amusing. Carver was sent with a small group of Irons to a brothel in Hightown. I don’t know why. But Carver swears up and down that he saw Uncle Gamlen there! And when he went up to him, Uncle Gamlen just said “I won’t tell your mother if you won’t.”

That sounds like something Uncle Gamlen would say.

 

_ Cloudreach, Day 19, 9:30 _

There was a small fight today. Meeran sent a few of us to collect payment from some merchant. I’d almost forgotten how good Carver is with that big sword of his. He stole one of my kills, though. And he’s still not talking to me. I wish I knew why.

 

_ Cloudreach, Day 27, 9:30 _

Took an injury today. I was always rubbish at healing magic. It’s much easier to just set things on fire. I’ll have to make do with the poultice.


	3. the month of Bloomingtide

_ Bloomingtide, Day 1, 9:30 _

Summerday today. The Chantry here is so much bigger than the one in Lothering. Obviously. But everything is white marble and a thousand years old. It’s hard to pray when a lay-sister is scowling at you for getting dirt on the floor.

 

_ Bloomingtide, Day 2, 9:30 _

Aveline and Carver are naturals at this soldier business. But of course, they were soldiers. When we’re ambushed, they’re always calm while I’m trying not to panic and set everyone on fire. Aveline mentioned that she might join the city guard when our year is up. She’d be good at it, and it would be good for her to have something to worry about besides me and Carver.

_ Bloomingtide, Day 5, 9:30 _

Carver found this little shithole of a tavern in Lowtown a while back called the Hanged Man. When he’s not at home, he’s at the tavern getting soused with some of his friends from the Iron. Some nights he doesn’t come home at all. Mother worries, and I know she wants me to do something, but what? Carver’s a grown man and stronger than me besides; I can hardly pull him home by the ear. As long as he doesn’t start trouble while he’s drunk, I suppose I can live with it.

_ Bloomingtide, Day 9, 9:30 _

We’ve been in this city for three months now. I’m starting to adjust, though I miss Lothering more than I can say. Why Lothering? We’ve lived a dozen other places while Bethany and I were growing up. Maybe because Lothering was where Father died? Maker only knows. Kirkwall doesn’t really feel like home yet, but it feels less like a nightmare.

I miss the smells of Ferelden. It always smelled like earth and grass and livestock. Here it smells like refuse and salt water.

_ Bloomingtide, Day 14, 9:30 _

O Maker, hear my cry:    
Guide me through the blackest nights.    
Steel my heart against the temptations of the wicked.   
Make me to rest in the warmest places. 

O Creator, see me kneel:    
For I walk only where You would bid me.    
Stand only in places You have blessed.   
Sing only the words You place in my throat. 

My Maker, know my heart:   
Take from me a life of sorrow.   
Lift me from a world of pain.

Easy for Andraste to say. She was the Maker’s Chosen. He spoke to Her when She prayed. When I pray, the only person who speaks is the Revered Mother, and she always says something trite like “Be at peace, child.” I wish I knew how to be at peace.

 

_ Bloomingtide, Day 25, 9:30 _

If you have a sister and she dies, do you stop having a sister?

from Andraste 1:

_ Mighty of arm and warmest of heart, _ __  
_ Rendered to dust. Bitter is sorrow, _ _  
_ __ Ate raw and often, poison that weakens and does not kill. 


End file.
